Elon Musk Confused by iPhones, Thinks Features Are Magic; IT Department Shows Him MDM

SILICON VALLEY, CA—In a revelation that has left the tech world reeling, billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk admitted today that he doesn’t quite understand how iPhones work, particularly their technological features, which he believes might be powered by sorcery.

Reports from SpaceX insiders confirm that Musk has spent several sleepless nights trying to comprehend how a device that fits in his pocket could wield such capricious power. However, his confusion reached a peak when he discovered Mobile Device Management (MDM).

MDM, a straightforward technology allowing IT administrators to control and secure mobile devices, was explained to Musk by a junior IT technician after he expressed frustration over his disappearing apps. “I thought it was possessed,” Musk confessed. “But then they showed me this thing called MDM. You know, I always thought MDM was short for ‘Musk-Driven Magic,’ but apparently it’s a real thing that regular people use.”

IT experts demonstrated to Musk how, with just a few clicks, they could enforce security policies, deploy apps, and yes, even remove access to social media. “They call it ‘Mobile Device Management,’” Musk recounted with a mix of awe and skepticism. “I call it witchcraft.”

The baffled CEO is now considering integrating similar ‘magic’ into his own companies. “Imagine if we could block features on our cars remotely, like making sure nobody uses the ejector seat while driving,” Musk mused. “The possibilities are endless.”

As he continues to grapple with the concept of MDM, Musk’s team has reportedly started to keep a close eye on him, worried that he might accidentally delete crucial apps like his Tesla control panel or Twitter.

Frustrated by his lack of understanding and convinced that iPhone features cannot be controlled by IT, Musk has announced plans to ban the use of iPhones within his companies. “I thought it was possessed,” Musk confessed. “But then they showed me this thing called MDM. You know, I always thought MDM was short for ‘Musk-Driven Magic,’ but apparently it’s a real thing that regular people use.” Despite the explanation, Musk remains unconvinced, leading to his drastic decision. “We need to ensure our technology is straightforward and transparent. If we can’t control it, we won’t use it,” he declared, leaving many employees scrambling to switch to alternative devices.

In related news, Apple’s Tim Cook has offered Musk a complimentary session on “Understanding Basic Tech,” an exclusive workshop designed for tech moguls who missed out on the memo that technology is, in fact, not magic.