The Best of the RNC Emails

Recently, it was discovered that the Republican National Committee was also hacked, but unlike the Democrats, their emails were not exposed. Yesterday, a small band of hackers hacked the hackers that hacked the political emails. “The [small band of] hackers were able to steal 152 emails before they lost internet connection,” says Rufus Lenhart, a reporter for The Hacker News, “This is a problem we all run into, horrible internet connection.” Of those 152 emails, only two were released to the public. We have been given permission to use four of them in print.


To: Kellyanne Conway <manager@donaldjtrump.com>

From: His Lordship <me@trump.com>

Subject: I am too important to bother with subject lines

Message: Kellyanne,

I am out of hair spray. Please order another bottle for me, as I have forgot my Amazon password.

The Donald


NOTE: We asked if replies to emails didn’t count as emails, but the hackers just looked at us and said, “They count. They’re still emails.”


To: His Lordship <me@trump.com

From: Kellyanne Conway <manager@donaldjtrump.com>

Subject: Re: I am too important to bother with subject lines

Message: My Lord,

It would be an honor to purchase the hair care product. With your permission, I would also gladly reset your Amazon password for you. Would ███████ work as a password? It is the one we use for your other accounts.

Humbly,

Kellyanne Conway


NOTE: We decided not to print the email that Paul Ryan is responding too, as it was rather dull.


To: His Lordship <me@trump.com>

From: Paul Ryan <paulryan@house.gov>

Subject: Re: I hate subjects

Message: [Begin automated response to “me@trump.com”]

Donald,

I “regret” that I cannot do what ever you are asking me to do.

Snidely,

Paul Ryan

You are an Unintelligent Lamebrain


Please notice the message in white at the bottom of the message.


Marked as spam

To: His Lordship <me@trump.com>

From: Jerry Ahearn <jerryahern@gop.com>

Subject: I HATE YOU!!!!!!!

Message: I HATE  HOW MY WHOLE JOB IS ABOUT YOU!!! I HATE IT!!! OKAY. THAT’S ALL. DAMN IT. MY CAPS LOCK IS BROKEN. OH WELL.

SINCERELY,

JERRY

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