Donald Trump Announces Government Officials

NEW YORK CITY, N.Y – “There is a very organized process taking place as I decide on Cabinet and many other positions. I am the only one who knows who the finalists are,” said Donald Trump on November 16th after the election. But sadly, Trump has now lost his precious ‘secret’ as he recently was forced to reveal it to the country. The results are as follows.

Secretary of Defense – Colonel Sanders

Who would be better for this position than the Colonel Harland Sanders? He looks pretty smart with that white coat, horn-rimmed glasses, and beard. “Our Secretary of Defence should have an honest face like that,” said Mr.Trump last week when questioned by reporters. The only thing that Mr. Trump regrets about this choice is the fact that Mr. Sanders has the same last name as Bernie Sanders.

Surgeon General – Dr. Pepper

Of course, as a businessman, Mr. Trump had no clue of who to appoint for this position. Fortunately, he was able to rely on an acquaintance of whom he had taken a small loan of one billion dollars from in 2007 and a quick Google search, chosing Dr.Pepper.

Secretary of the Army – Captian Crunch

With his astounding resume of posing on children’s cereal boxes, Mr. Trump chose this stoic and iconic figure “for an obvious reason,” says Kellyanne Conway, Donald Trump’s manager. Mr. Trump seems to think that Mr. Crunch will provide “enthusiasm to the proud soldiers of our great country,” says Conway.

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