How To Write a Star Wars Movie

Photo: Gramps gives it a go

NICASIO, CA- After millionaire and creator or Star Wars George Lucas released the newest Star Wars movie, The Force Awakens, with J.J. Abrams, the script writing team accidentally leaked their method for writing Star Wars movies. The internet soon discovered it, and millions of people now are writing their own Star Wars episodes. “It’s horrible for business,” says director J.J. Abrams, “3 new Star Wars movies have popped up already. It was leaked only a few days ago.” The Faux Report brings you the latest way to write your own Star Wars movie. Here are the steps:

  1. Come up with some characters. Make their names catchy, and they must have a blaster.
  2. Randomly choose three characters as the main ones
  3. Choose one of the main ones to die
  4. Come up with a bad guy. He/She must be wearing a black robe and a mask. The mask has to be based on a Star Trek episode
  5. The remaining min character will be the one to kill the bad guy
  6. Make up names for 15 different star ships
  7. Come up with a spherical battle station that shoots big lasers and destroys things
  8. The main character just happens to be really good at flying, and with the force. And right, he inherited a light saber from his long dead father that he never knew about. The main character flies into the big battle station and blows it up. Another main character dies.
  9. There is a battle between the bad guy and the good guy–no, the other good guy–while the battle station is exploding, and the bad guy gets killed, or goes missing, but the good guy discovers that the bad guy is actually a cousin. Then the good guy gets out off the battle ship in the nick of time.
  10. There is a small kiss scene, and then everyone goes back home.


Later correction: George Lucas had nothing to do with the new Star Wars movie. He sold Star Wars to Disney. Sigh… well, there goes another!

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