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Billionaires Across Nation Struggle with Cheeto Dust, Public Hairs Stuck in Teeth
November 7, 2024
In what experts are calling “the great equalizer,” billionaires everywhere have reportedly been facing an unexpected crisis, an epidemic of Cheeto dust inhalation paired with rogue public hairs finding their way between their gleaming, professionally whitened teeth. -
Trump, Nominated as 47th President, Hopes Role Will Finally Keep Him Out of Jail
November 6, 2024
In what has to be one of the most surreal comebacks in American political history, Donald J. Trump has been nominated — for the second time — to assume the highest office in the land as the 47th President of the United States. -
Twitter to automatically add "nudes in profile" reply to all new tweets
June 20, 2024
In a revelation that has left the tech world reeling, billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk admitted today that he doesn’t quite understand how iPhones work. -
Elon Musk Confused by iPhones, Thinks Features Are Magic; IT Department Shows Him MDM
June 10, 2024
In a revelation that has left the tech world reeling, billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk admitted today that he doesn’t quite understand how iPhones work. -
Trump Convicted of 34 Felonies, Declares Self ‘Most Productive Criminal in History’
May 31, 2024
In a stunning turn of events, former President Donald Trump has been convicted of 34 felonies, proudly declaring himself the "Most Productive Criminal in History." -
Spotify’s 'Car Thing' Debacle: Customers Send a Shitty Message in Unprecedented Protest
May 24, 2024
Spotify, in its infinite wisdom, has decided to abruptly kill off its beloved “Car Thing” with all the grace of a runaway dumpster fire. -
AI Declares Glue Essential for a Balanced Diet
May 24, 2024
In a stunning revelation, artificial intelligence has declared glue as the latest must-have addition to our diets. This unconventional trend, rapidly gaining popularity, asserts that glue is the secret ingredient to achieving optimal health and wellness. -
Rudy Giuliani’s Coffee: From Hair Dye to Cup of Joe
May 21, 2024
In an unexpected turn of events, former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani has found a new business venture: coffee. But this isn’t just any ordinary coffee. -
Apple Issues Apology Over Controversial Shade of Blue on New iPad
May 10, 2024
Cupertino, CA - In an unexpected turn of events, Apple has issued an official apology to customers who were 'deeply upset' by the shade of blue on their latest iPad model. -
Apple Unveils Apple Vision Pro: The Revolutionary Product That Lets You See... Literally
February 7, 2024
In a groundbreaking event that industry experts are calling "a bold leap into the obvious," Apple has announced its latest innovation, the Apple Vision Pro." -
Breaking: Rainbows Sue for Copyright Infringement, Demand Royalties for All Colorful Displays
January 14, 2024
In an unprecedented legal twist, rainbows have filed a groundbreaking lawsuit alleging widespread copyright infringement on their vibrant displays of color.